The end of an era

Hello. Well, basically, that's it.

No, I'm not talking about the end of this blog, though nobody reads it so it doesn't really matter, but the end of my school life.

Yes, believe it or not, I'm in the process of taking my GCSEs, and after that, I'm on holiday. Which is awesome. However, after that holiday, I will no longer be in High School. I will be in a Sixth Form Boarding College in Canterbury, 2 hours from where I currently reside.

I really like the school I go to now, I've settled in nicely, I have awesome friends, and the people in my year are cosy people. When I go to school I feel warm inside. That's helped by the fact that it's a girl school, so everyone's a bit more relaxed, and not trying to impress or whatever, and it's very hen-like. I'm going to miss the people and the atmosphere SO MUCH.

And this new school is odd. It's mixed. It's boarding. No one there seems to be quite crazy enough for me. But whatever. I'm not gonna worry, because then the day before I move out I'll probably throw up.

It's the end of an era.

I was looking through my old notebook, and I found a little rant I did about 2 years ago, when I just started in Year 10. I was pretty sour because our classes were mixed up, and I really like my old class. I now see that the change I'm about to go through trumps that one easily.

ROLL TAPE

"Why Year 10 SUCKS

Don't lie. It's not just another year and you know that.

I'm so unsettled and uncomfortable with where my life is, and it's all because of school. There's still pressure, and there's still an element of hint-dropping and name-dropping, but it's much worse now because I'm out of my comfort zone.

I've never shook in an English lesson before. Never. I've never felt like someone was watching me, to the point of it making me uneasy and fidgety, just to look around and realise no one actually is.

And yet, for these part two days, I've been doing and feeling these things non-stop.

I can't lie to myself any more. My cynicism eats all of my reassurance until all I'm left with is 'reality'. My class has been mixed up. Maybe I'm ungrateful, but even though all 3 of my best friends are in my class, I feel upset. Every time I hear a song by The Kooks or by any other band that I listened to avidly in Year 8 or Year 9, I tingle. I feel a nostalgic twinge, and for a short period of time, I think about 9Iiii (my old class), the End of Year 9 video especially. I encounter 2 emotions, 1, happiness for the times that were and 2, sadness for the times that are. My dimly lit world seems that much darker now. My showers seem infinitely colder, and I have to turn the heat knob to its maximum to make it hot enough, which after a few seconds feels like cold water any way. The classroom I used to have is only two doors down, and looks warmer and a lot less drab than my current one. The first day back, for me, wasn't how first days back should be at all. It felt like the greetings I gave people were sadder, and focussed more on how much I misses them than on how their holiday was. And then every teacher that walked in and taught us seemed immersed in silence, as if we weren't really excited to be in the classes we're in.

My creativity is being affected by this as well. My short bursts of inspiration are much shorter now, and I'm considering abandoning projects that I'd barely started planning. The homework is partly to blame, as it's piled high, and takes too long. On the second day back I had already had 4-5 subjects which beat the hell out of what I thought was going to be a relaxed evening.

In a nutshell, Year 10 SUCKS.

Whoa, emo, melodramatic and totally making a mountain out of a molehill. I wasn't that sad then. I enjoyed Year 10 by 2nd term.

Well whatever, I just thought it was fitting that I found a rant on missing the old times...

New beginnings, though.

PokeyStix is out.

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